The Mirror

The Mirror

15 years ago I was in a small men's group at my church. We were all talking about the challenges we were facing as men from the previous week. I don’t remember what I was speaking about other than it was revolving around shame and low self-esteem. I do remember one of the older men in the group saying something to me that has stuck with me to this day. He said to me, “you need to get to a point where you can stand in front of the mirror naked and look at yourself, but not just look at yourself. Look at yourself in the eyes. When you can do that, then you will know you are ok with being who you are.”  A couple of days later I tried, and I could not do it. I did not like the man I was, how I looked, and how I was living. I could look into my own eyes and know that every situation I was in was because of my choices in life. That is the power of the mirror. When I looked directly into the mirror, I could not hide from anything. 

People spend all kinds of time in front of mirrors. But that time is not reflecting on their lives or day. It's to see how they look or to fix their hair or whatever each person's routine is to get ready for their day or activity. I personally do not stand in front of the mirror every day to get ready. The gym I go to has a nice set up with q-tips, hair dryers, mouth wash, toothpaste, and lotions to use to get ready. The stations are always filled with guys getting ready. That is just not my style. There is data that shows men spend more time in front of the mirror on average than women do. To be honest, that surprised me. 

When it comes to making a commitment to ourselves like I talked about in last week's article, the mirror is your best feedback tool. I love standing in front of the mirror and asking myself (out loud), “Justin, are you staying committed to yourself and your goals?” I am also learning to be honest with myself. There are times when I have had to say no, and then ask why. It is one of the truest ways to evaluate yourself and can be so empowering. But the most powerful tool that I use it for is positive self-talk. I look in the mirror and commit to being honest with myself. I let myself know I am not staying committed to my goals. I am not demeaning myself or calling myself names. I am honest saying things like: “Justin, you have let yourself gain too much weight, you have to fix this. Justin, your eating habits have been terrible this week, let's fix it. I know you can.”

I did not realize how bad I was at negative self-talk until I started my fitness journey. It was always a joke or a way to minimize how I felt about myself. I called myself fat or stupid all the time. I did not realize how that was starting to become written in my heart as a belief. I have worked hard to change and as corny as it may seem, words have power. Positive self-talk is life changing. Comments to yourself like, “I know I can do this”, " I am going to get stronger”, “ I am better today than yesterday because of my hard work”.  The list goes on, but being able to look at yourself and be affirming to who you are is critical to reaching your goals. The reflection in the mirror never lies to us. It will always be honest; it is up to you how you use that information. 

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