Where I was, went, and am.

 Where I started: 

No this is not my current transformation, this is me on June 11, 2016. I was in the best shape I had been in (including my college track & field days) This was a transformation that I had made over a 4 month period. I started my previous weight loss path with a lot less fat on my body than I did for my current journey. This picture is really a time shot of what would become some of the toughest years I would go through at this point in my life. 

My dad was diagnosed with stomach and throat cancer a little before this photo was taken. (Soap box time) If you chew tobacco I want to encourage you to stop. I watch my dad go through some of the worst pain I have ever been a part of. Not only that, but before he was diagnosed, he was not able to eat any food. The cancer had closed up his eating tubes so much that he could not get food to his stomach. He went 1 month without being able to eat anything. He would try and then go throw it up because it would stick in his throat. He lost so much weight during that time that we all knew something was wrong. He never said a word through, Mom had to make him go get checked. So, all that said, chewing is a miserable and uncomfortable way to get yourself sick. If I can help anyone change in anything, it would be to help them find a way to stop. 

Little did I know that that diagnosis would change everything that was important to me in my life, it broke me. The doctors said he would have 2-3 years of quality life, diagnosed in June and passed away 6 months later. I remember walking around and judging people. “Why does he get to live longer?” I would say to myself in grocery stores. See, my dad was an incredible man that worked his ass off his entire life to take care of his family and make an incredible rock solid home with my mom. Which led to the next hit. I never realized that my dad was the glue that held the family together. Once he was gone, so were all the things that our family had been built on. No more family camping trips, games nights, or celebrations together. My brother and I struggled to maintain any type of relationship, going years without communication.  Grief is crazy and I was now grieving the loss of my dad and in some ways my brother. 

Then, Mom remarried an incredible man. He did not replace my dad, but he did fill a void. I slowly grew closer to him. I learned a lot from Pat. He was an engineer, I mean he could literally build anything. I mean dad could also build anything, it was just held more together with duct tape and zip ties. Two very incredible men, so different, but loved their family and most of all my Mom. 2 years after mom and Pat married, mom would walk into the living room in the early morning in January to find that Pat had passed in his sleep. Broken again, I mean, I can’t even say again because I was still very broken from the previous 2 years. 

Let me recap, in the span of 2 years, I lost my dad, my brother, and my step dad. I would slip into a depressive state. I lost my job in 2019, and would struggle to figure out what was next. I felt stuck in my previous job and it just added to the depression I felt. There were many times I would drive to work and think just drive your car into that wall or drive it off that ledge. Grief is the worst kind experience and I would not wish it on anyone. Needless to say I stopped working out and eating healthy. I slowly began not only gaining weight but losing myself. Food, alcohol, and zero drive were my medicine. Just getting through each day was the goal and it would stay that way till January 17th, 2023. Oh and did I mention the C word? Covid did not help my state of life and goals. I will not say another word about covid moving forward. (I am sure everyone is sick of it like me). 

Next week I am going to talk about One Thing that I changed in my life and the impact it had. Oh yeah, and here is the photo of my current fitness level. If I can do this (this statement will make more sense as you read my story) you can also meet your goals.